I cry a lot these days. And I can't even tell anyone how hard it is.  It all so heavy right now. Never thought that it will struck like this. I don't know where to go. But keep telling myself not to give up. But i am so tired. So so tired. 

CATATAN SI SENJA GILA (BAG. SEPULUH)

Hai. Sudah lama tidak menulis di sini. It's Oktober! Welcome. Sepanjang ingatan, Oktober adalah musim penghujan dan juga musim horor. haha. Saya menyukai bulan Oktober dari dahulu. Meski tak merayakan dan tak percaya Halloween, saya menikmati film-film horor yang selalu saja ditayangkan di bulan Oktober oleh stasiun TV kala itu. Lucu juga saat itu, nonton film sangat terbatas dan cenderung aman (sebab KPI--itu bukan sih namanya?-- waktu itu agaknya masih berfungsi). Sekarang menonton bisa sebebas-bebasnya dan saya tak mengira akan kaget-kaget sendiri dengan segala macam film ini hingga akhirnya ini sudah speerti hal yang lumrah (?) sayang sekali. omong-omong tentang nonton, sudah lama sekali tidak nonton film, drama, dorama, series, dokumenter, bahkaan youtube. Worst attention span ever, eh? but ...  anehnya malah kejebak short video yang rage bait gitu dan ngacir ke aplikasi buat nonton, like what is happening to me? lucuinya lagi, saya kemakan banget sama cerita sentimentil, yang diabaikan keluarga terus meninggal. udah deh yang begini ditonton sampai abis. kalo udah jual kesedihan yang gak masuk akal, kenapa saya kejerat? I can't believe myself. Dang. haha. I guess semua ada masanya. If we judge something, tinggal ingat "itu karena belum sampai di kita aja," haha. Oh, beneran sih ini. I Used to judge dan gak bisa ngerti sama sekali kenapa ada orang yang bisa sesuka itu sama seseorang dan terkesan bucin. Yeah. I used to kesal dan marah-marah tiap kali ngelihat ke-nonsense-an sinetron, and what did i watch on that shortvideo? haha the jokes is on me. 

anyways. pengen nonton anime lagi. random bnaget, dah. I don't know if I should give up my social media. IG and thread. udah lama gak buka FB. entah kenapa juga punya banyak social media kalau aslinya aku juga begitu sosial orangnya? aneh. Nah, since I don't really have any friens or anyone to connnect to, it's just make sense to give up on it. right? Maybe I just can live my social life here, with the echoing voices of mind. haha. and substack too. yeah, that'll be a great one. I guess. 

actually in theend, I write  this today just so I can say that For October, I wish all the best. I wish all the happiness, the happiest kind of happiness for this life and hereafter. May all the wishes and dreams find October. May true love finds October. May Health, Wealth, Happiness, and Peace Find October. May October always be protected, guided, guarded, and blessed for the rest of the life. May all October find nothing but better and best and May October be happy, the kind of happiness that could erase all the wounds and agony and sadness. I wish you All the best, October. May God Loves you, and May you live in loves forever. May peace, Love and blessed upon you, always.